The Urgent Need to Address the Orgasm Gap
It is time for women to take charge and close the persistent orgasm gap. Studies reveal that straight women experience orgasms less frequently than any other demographic, including lesbians. This disparity often stems from heterosexual partners not prioritizing female pleasure during sexual encounters. The elusive female orgasm might become more attainable if it were equally valued and if men took the initiative to learn the specific techniques that help women reach climax.
The Critical Role of Clitoral Stimulation
According to a recent Indiana University study conducted in partnership with OMGYes, clitoral stimulation is essential for 36 percent of women to achieve orgasm. This finding underscores the importance of understanding and incorporating this key element into sexual practices. Since the orgasm gap is a stark reality, we gathered insights from women on how they reliably achieve orgasm, whether alone or with a partner.
Personal Strategies for Reliable Orgasms
Corinne Dodenhoff, an illustrator, emphasizes the reliability of manual stimulation. "For me, there’s really nothing more trustworthy than my own hand," she says. She owns a high-quality Rabbit vibrator but often turns to her hand, especially during partnered sex. Once she realized that her sexual happiness was a turn-on for her partners, she began involving herself more actively during penetrative sex, finding it easiest in positions like being on top or from behind.
Jessica Mehta, author of The Wrong Kind of Indian, stresses the necessity of direct clitoral stimulation for orgasm. This can come from oral sex, vaginal sex combined with clitoral stimulation, or masturbation using a vibrator or hand. She notes that while porn can be helpful, it is not essential, and vaginal penetration can intensify orgasms but never leads to climax on its own. She expresses a desire to try a Sybian sex machine, despite the high cost.
Jennifer Gunsaullus, a sociologist and relationship coach, shares a unique positional tip. She finds that sitting up, propped against pillows or a wall, exposes her clitoris more effectively for stimulation with a vibrator, compared to lying down. She recently advised a friend on this technique, who was amazed and now optimistic about her own orgasmic potential.
Engaging the Mind for Enhanced Pleasure
Luna Matatas, a pleasure educator, highlights the importance of mental engagement. "Physical stimulation alone can make it tough to orgasm if you aren’t engaging your biggest sex organ – your mind," she explains. She recommends practices like dirty talk, sexting, sharing fantasies, and reading or writing erotica to reconnect with sexual arousal. Identifying specific words or scenes that evoke excitement can serve as a mental lubricant for solo or partnered pleasure.
Lisa, who prefers anonymity, describes a multi-faceted approach with her boyfriend. She starts by straddling him and grinding, engaging her senses and feelings of love. If needed, she incorporates naughty fantasies, breast stimulation, or spanking to reach climax. After the first orgasm, she adjusts positions for continued pleasure.
Evolution of Orgasmic Techniques
Celeste Hirschman, a sex coach, notes that her route to orgasm has evolved over time. Initially relying on clitoral stimulation alone, she later combined G-spot pressure with a vibrator. Currently, she focuses on cervical stimulation through deep thrusting alongside clitoral vibration, emphasizing that her clit is always involved. She has helped many women learn to become multi-orgasmic.
Hudsy Hawn, a kink coach, now requires emotional connection and trust for orgasm, moving beyond mere physical attraction. She enjoys creative dynamics like tease and denial, skillful touch, and mutual activities such as sexy calls or shared masturbation.
Practical Advice and Tools
Caytha Jentis, a writer, orgasms most consistently from partner stimulation to her clitoral area. She meditates on her "Orgasmic Laws of Attraction," repeating a mantra to focus on climax.
Mistress Georgia Payne, a dominatrix, recommends the Hitachi Magic Wand for its high vibration intensity, advising the corded version over battery-operated models for better performance.
Suzannah Weiss, a sex writer, provides specific techniques for oral, digital, and intercourse, stressing the importance of clear communication with partners. "Tell them exactly what motion and location feels best. Show them what you do on your own," she advises.
Sofia Sundari, a tantra teacher, views orgasm as a natural state, achievable through deep breathing, relaxation, and allowing the body to move softly. She encourages recognizing small pleasures as tiny orgasms.
Kendra Holliday, a sex educator, uses a cordless Magic Wand vibrator two to three times daily, often with dirty thoughts or porn, completing the process in about five minutes. She considers it a great investment for consistent pleasure.
By sharing these diverse methods, women are taking steps to bridge the orgasm gap and enhance their sexual well-being. The original version of this story was published on HuffPost at an earlier date.
