Dear Abby: Husband's AIDS Diagnosis and Affair Revelation Crushes Partner
A long-term marriage faces its most severe crisis after a shocking medical revelation and confession of infidelity. In a heartfelt letter to advice columnist Dear Abby, a man from Florida describes how his 28-year relationship with his husband has been upended by devastating news.
A Sudden and Heartbreaking Revelation
The writer, who identifies as male and is retired, recounts receiving a frantic call from his husband at work. "He was crying so hard I could hardly understand him," the letter states. Rushing to his spouse's office, he learned that his husband had just been diagnosed with AIDS. In the same breath, the husband confessed to having had an affair with a contractor at his workplace years earlier, during a difficult period in their marriage. He insisted it was a one-time transgression.
The emotional fallout is profound. The writer is now awaiting the results of his own HIV test, describing himself as "heartbroken and crushed." He expresses deep uncertainty about the future of their relationship, torn between staying or leaving after this dual betrayal of health and trust.
Abby's Compassionate and Practical Advice
In her response, Dear Abby—written by Jeanne Phillips—urges immediate focus on medical care. She emphasizes that an HIV-positive diagnosis does not inevitably lead to full-blown AIDS, thanks to modern medications that can manage the condition effectively. Her primary directive is clear: ensure both partners receive the best possible medical advice and treatment without delay.
Regarding the relationship's fate, Abby advises postponing any major decisions. "Whether you should stay with your husband or leave is a question that should be tabled until you are less traumatized and thinking rationally," she writes. This approach prioritizes emotional stability and clear-headed deliberation over impulsive reactions in the wake of trauma.
Additional Letters: Wedding Dilemmas and Lunar New Year Greetings
The column also includes another reader's query about family wedding logistics. A parent from Idaho, originally from the Netherlands, seeks advice on how to handle invitations for two children's weddings scheduled two months apart. With elderly parents unable to attend both and other relatives facing financial constraints, the writer feels pressured to mediate.
Abby's solution is straightforward: step back and let individuals decide. She suggests sending invitations to all and allowing natural conversations to follow, with the option of financial assistance from one son. For elderly parents, she recommends they choose which wedding to attend based on their health, noting that livestreaming and digital sharing can include those who cannot be physically present.
The column concludes with festive greetings for Lunar New Year, highlighting the Year of the Horse and its associated traits of dynamism and charm. Dear Abby is authored by Jeanne Phillips, continuing the legacy founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
