The Elmdale Tavern, a legendary and somewhat intimidating Ottawa institution, is undergoing another transformation with news of its takeover by the Whalesbone restaurant group. This shift has sparked a renewed interest in the tavern's colourful past, perfectly captured in a memorable 2012 essay by writer Brian Doyle for the Ottawa Citizen.
A Storied Dive Hosts Cultural Events
Doyle expressed sheer disbelief at the idea of the Elmdale Tavern hosting cultural events. In his essay, published on November 5, 2012, he marvelled at the contrast between the venue's gritty reputation and its new role. He acknowledged being part of its old-world charm and felt privileged to witness its changing ambience firsthand. The transformation was significant and, for regulars, undeniably jarring.
Music, drama, improv, readings, and even e-book launches began to fill a space once dominated by a very different kind of culture. Doyle was quick to clarify that the old Elmdale had a culture all its own—it was just of a more visceral, less curated variety.
The Headquarters of "The Dildos"
That unique culture centred on a touch football organization—or more accurately, a single team—that called the Elmdale its home. Doyle was a founding member of this group, which used the tavern as its official headquarters and conditioning centre. Their training regimen was unconventional, to say the least.
Their training table consisted mainly of beer and Chuckwagons, a processed snack Doyle described as especially tasty when overcooked, causing the cellophane wrapper to melt into the Cheez Whiz and onto the "greenish coloured meat." The team's name was "The Dildos," a title Doyle defended as apt for two reasons: like dildos, they were merely facsimiles of a real football team, and since they were the only team, they often "played with themselves."
A Cast of Colourful Regulars
The essay serves as a poignant roll call of the friends and characters who populated those days, many of whom have since passed away. Doyle's memory brings them back to life:
- Mike Paradis, a master teacher and culture critic.
- The late Keith Clarke, a musician and the team's official Commissioner of Football.
- Bobby Gairns, an author and speechwriter.
- The late Jay Roberts, a retired Ottawa Rough Riders player.
- Charley Gordon, an author and humorist.
- Senator Jimmy Munson, who wasn't a senator at the time.
- Peter Connolly, a political fixer.
- The late Billy Cooper, another retired Rough Rider.
- Bruce McGregor, a running commentator.
- Ian McKercher, a teacher and author.
The list continues, a tribute to a bygone era: Lawrence Gladue, Ed (Hush Puppy) Long, Frank Long, Ray Monnot, Mike Sheehan, and David (Snake Man) Aldwinckle. Doyle's repeated use of "the late" underscores the passage of time and the loss of this unique community.
Annual Banquets and Lasting Legacy
Despite their informal nature, The Dildos held an annual athletic banquet complete with speeches, game films, and awards. Doyle recalls the irony of sending out formal invitations to such a uniquely named event. For 15 consecutive years, he proudly won the same award, the O.L.D., a position at which nobody could beat him.
Brian Doyle's essay, one of 24 he wrote for the Citizen in 2012, is more than a nostalgia trip. It is a snapshot of a specific Ottawa subculture that thrived in a specific place. As the Elmdale Tavern prepares for its next chapter under new ownership, Doyle's words ensure that the spirit of its raucous, beer-soaked, and deeply human past will not be forgotten. The transition from a "wonderful and intimidating dump" to a venue for cultural events and now a new culinary concept marks the ongoing story of a city landmark, forever anchored by the memories created within its walls.
