Beyond Booking: Maximizing Your Therapeutic Journey
Therapy is widely recognized as a valuable resource for navigating difficult emotions and life experiences. It provides a dedicated space for conversation, processing, and initiating the path toward feeling better. However, the simple act of scheduling an appointment and attending does not automatically guarantee that the work is unfolding in the most effective manner possible.
"Deciding to begin therapy is frequently a thoughtful, deliberate choice," explains Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and author of "Practical Optimism." "For numerous individuals, it represents something they have postponed for an extended period or struggled to access due to various barriers."
Yet, even the most well-intentioned clients can inadvertently adopt habits that hinder their advancement. "It requires time for a person to learn how to optimally utilize the therapy space," notes therapist Nina Tomkiewicz. "Particularly if you have never visited a therapist before, you should not anticipate knowing precisely what to do, how to behave, or what to share. It is acceptable to make errors and gradually figure things out. We must grant ourselves the grace to practice discovering how to achieve satisfaction with our therapy sessions."
While this learning curve is entirely normal, mental health professionals point out specific pitfalls that can decelerate growth or prolong periods of stagnation unnecessarily. Here are ten common mistakes identified by experts and actionable strategies to transform your therapy experience into a more productive and meaningful endeavor.
1. Succumbing to Distraction During Sessions
Jill Lamar, a licensed professional counselor, observes that many clients inadvertently sabotage their treatment through distracting behaviors, especially during teletherapy sessions conducted via platforms like Zoom. "This can range from subtly glancing at their phones, texting, checking work emails, or playing games," she states. "They often do not treat these 'at-home' sessions with the same seriousness and may request permission to engage in activities like doing laundry or allow family members, frequently children, to enter the room. These interruptions disrupt the session's flow and prevent clients from fully engaging emotionally and mentally."
For remote sessions, Lamar recommends approaching the experience as if you were physically in your therapist's office. "Consuming a lunch or snack is typically permissible—though it's wise to ask first—but the aforementioned behaviors are detrimental to a reasonably productive therapy session," she advises. "Therapy should, ultimately, be therapeutic."
2. Abandoning Therapy Prematurely
"A prevalent error is discontinuing therapy too soon, often after a single session or one disappointing experience, and then vowing to avoid it entirely for years," says Varma. "I witness this frequently."
This behavior commonly originates from unrealistic expectations regarding the pace of the therapeutic process. Meaningful transformation does not occur overnight. "Being intentional and implementing change demands time and consistent practice," emphasizes Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed professional counselor. "The misconception is the belief that 'I should be improved by now.' This expectation can actually impede progress because the notion that circumstances should shift simply because we desire them to can provoke self-imposed pressure and judgment."
3. Prioritizing "Right" Answers Over Authentic Feelings
Caitlyn Oscarson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, highlights a common yet counterproductive tendency in therapy: striving to say the "correct" things instead of expressing genuine thoughts and emotions. "You might avoid articulating your true feelings, minimize the extent of your hurt, or rationalize others' behaviors, attempting to present the most reasonable, self-aware version of yourself," Oscarson explains.
She suggests monitoring instances when you are self-editing or feeling overly conscious of your therapist's perception. "Express how you feel and pause before qualifying or justifying," Oscarson recommends. "Trust your therapist to pose the appropriate questions to comprehend your emotions. Therapy is a space where you do not always need to be reasonable."
4. Anticipating a Simple "Fix"
"The most frequent mistake is perceiving therapy as a quick remedy for uncomfortable feelings," states psychotherapist Omar Torres. "Many individuals fail to recognize that therapy is a non-linear process requiring grace and patience. It is not about eliminating discomfort—it is about learning to navigate those feelings skillfully, sitting with unease, and building resilience."
He advises viewing therapy as a "journey of self-discovery" rather than a magical solution. There is no effortless fix that will miraculously enhance your mental state and transform your life. "An error is believing there exists a one-size-fits-all solution or a single-step answer to a lifetime of pain," echoes Tomkiewicz. "We are all culpable of this at some point. We think, 'If only I could find the perfect routine, partner, gym, job, then I would feel better. If only I could employ the right strategy, meditation, journal prompt, or psychological tool, then I would know exactly how to improve.'" True progress is not about a singular dramatic breakthrough but the accumulation of small moments over time.
5. Evading Uncomfortable Topics
"It is completely natural to avoid difficult subjects," Oscarson acknowledges. "In our culture, we seldom discuss complex issues like sex, money, or substance abuse openly, making it feel unnatural to address them in therapy."
Your therapist is highly accustomed to discussing all manner of challenging topics and understands the discomfort involved. "Jot down what you wish to discuss before the session to hold yourself accountable," Oscarson suggests. "Acknowledge your discomfort—'this feels incredibly awkward to mention'—and request your therapist's assistance in pacing the conversation. If specifics seem overwhelming, begin by introducing the general topic."
6. Focusing Externally Over Self-Reflection
Tomkiewicz notes that many individuals become fixated on wanting external life circumstances to change before attempting to feel better. "Sometimes people will arrive and catalog everything wrong in their life, stating, 'If only these things were different, then I could feel better,'" she says. "The objective of therapy and self-work is to feel differently despite circumstances remaining unchanged."
Waiting for external conditions to shift is an ineffective strategy for mindset improvement. "Not only might we wait indefinitely, but we also relinquish responsibility for how we engage with our lives," Tomkiewicz explains. "We essentially declare, 'This undesirable situation exists, so I will be upset about it, and since I have a valid reason for being upset, I refuse to change.' People need to remain open to pondering, 'What is this life experience challenging me to become?'"
7. Venting Exclusively Without Progress
Tomkiewicz cautions against "utilizing your therapy session solely as a platform to vent, complain, and remain stagnant." "Receiving validation feels immensely gratifying, and therapists are trained to listen, understand, and genuinely validate your experience without judgment," she notes, adding that every perspective holds validity and truth.
However, this approach can create a cycle where venting provides temporary relief without instigating change. Rehashing stories about a difficult neighbor or lamenting a spouse's lack of assistance with chores will not yield complete or lasting relief. "While venting serves as a form of release in therapy, it constitutes only part of the process," Mills clarifies. "The narrative often unveils the work requiring attention. The misconception is that venting alone will improve your feelings, but frequently, what is vented signals a need for change, healthier boundaries, or more effective coping strategies."
8. Developing Dependence on Your Therapist
Mills warns against becoming overly reliant on your therapist. This might involve expecting them to be a perfect match, perform the difficult inner work for you, provide explicit instructions for every issue, or always agree without challenge. "At times, clients may look to the therapist for deeper insight and understanding without engaging in requisite self-exploration," Mills observes. "While a therapist can pose thoughtful, probing questions, progress can plateau if the client is unwilling or unable to delve deeper into their experiences. The misconception is that deeper insight is supplied by the therapist rather than cultivated through the client's own willingness to sit with uncertainty and engage in profound self-exploration."
Torres emphasizes that therapists do not possess all the answers. "While we have formal training, we are human and not omniscient. We offer guidance, perspective, strategies, and support, but we do not provide 'answers,'" he asserts. "Our role is to assist you in reflecting deeply enough to reach your own conclusions."
9. Withholding Feedback or Differing Perspectives
"Feedback is a crucial component of the therapy process," Oscarson emphasizes. "Everyone is unique, and what leads to profound insight for one person may completely fail for another. Share your reactions with your therapist and what genuinely aids you between sessions."
The more honest you are about what is effective and ineffective for you, the more connected you will feel to your therapist and the therapeutic process—enhancing its efficacy. Tomkiewicz similarly advises against deferring to your therapist without voicing differing viewpoints. "I want to know if something resonates or does not resonate," she states. "I want to know if my words did not land or seemed illogical. Perhaps I recommended an exercise that appears irrelevant—I want to know that."
She encourages clients to express thoughts like, "I do not understand the purpose of this exercise. Could you provide more context on how it is intended to help?" or "Your last comment did not feel accurate. It is more like this... Does that make sense?" or "I feel we are concentrating on this area, but for me, this other issue feels more significant."
10. Confining Work to Session Hours
"One error people make is believing that merely attending sessions is sufficient to enact change," says psychotherapist Meg Gitlin. "Finding a therapist and committing to sessions is the initial, meaningful step. However, once concepts begin to resonate in therapy, genuine success stems from integrating what you learn into daily life."
She analogizes the process to working with a personal trainer weekly. You can learn exercises and have a productive session, but regular practice is essential for strengthening muscles. Similarly, identifying harmful communication patterns in therapy is merely the first step. "Simply recognizing and understanding a pattern is commendable but insufficient for breaking the cycle," Gitlin explains. "A therapist can help explore alternative approaches, but the real work occurs when the client implements these tactics and tolerates the associated discomfort."
All transformation and healing do not transpire exclusively within sessions; therefore, maintain your therapeutic work in everyday consciousness. Likewise, when something impacts you during the week, note it for discussion in your next session. Your therapy process and daily experiences should remain interconnected. "You can have an enlightening conversation with your therapist, but it likely will not result in long-term change without external action," Oscarson concludes. "Select something small—a new behavior or perspective to incorporate into your week. Attach it to an existing routine, such as reviewing session takeaways while brushing your teeth. Set phone reminders to contemplate your therapeutic objectives."
