A Psychologist's Unconventional 70th Birthday Journey
As she approached her 70th birthday, psychologist Gail Rice faced a profound fear not of mortality, but of fading into invisibility. "As we cross the bridge into the land of the elderly, the message is to shrink, step aside, take up less space," she reflects. This anxiety propelled her toward an unconventional decision: hiring a sex worker to mark this milestone.
Confronting the Fear of Invisibility
Rice wasn't afraid of death—she felt fortunate for her long life. Instead, she dreaded a future devoid of sensual touch and desire. "I saw a future where I would never be touched sensually or sexually again," she writes. As a psychologist, she understood touch as a fundamental human need crucial for physical and mental health. This vision of a touch-starved existence pushed her beyond her comfort zone.
Her options narrowed to two extremes: hiring an escort or skydiving. With osteopenia making parachuting risky, she chose the former despite financial concerns—the $1,900 investment could have funded overseas travel, one of her passions. Navigating online escort listings proved disheartening initially, with profiles featuring men young enough to be her grandson. After adjusting filters, she found Mitch, a man in his 40s whose professional video presentation offered reassurance.
An Unsatisfactory First Experience
Rice's request was specific: an erotic massage leading to orgasm. Unfortunately, their three-hour session failed to deliver any sensual or sexual arousal. "I was afraid I would fall asleep from boredom," she admits. Mitch seemed stuck in a "boyfriend experience" narrative involving kissing and cuddling, despite Rice's clear communication. She ended the session early and received a refund the next day.
Rather than abandoning her quest, Rice bookmarked the funds for another attempt. "I don't give up after one bad Tinder date," she notes. She returned to her content single life and took an overseas holiday, temporarily shelving the experience as forgettable rather than regrettable.
Finding Voice Through Writing
Months later, Rice wrote about her experience for the Sydney Morning Herald, initially considering a pseudonym due to professional concerns and uncomfortable reactions from friends. However, she recognized the story was about claiming her voice, not just hiring an escort, and published under her own name.
The response was polarized. While many praised her bravery, anonymous online comments included dismissive remarks like "get a dog" and "look what he had to work with." These criticisms ignited determination. "By telling me I didn't have the right to ask for sensual and sexual pleasure at 'my age,' they made me more determined to hire another escort," she explains.
A Transformative Second Encounter
Through a referral from a reader in her mid-60s, Rice connected with Chris, an escort with whom she had a profoundly different experience. "My session with Chris was satisfying in so many ways—not just physically," she shares. She discovered the ability to ask for what she wanted without needing to please others. "That alone was a blast onto another planet," she writes, emphasizing that the orgasm was secondary to reclaiming agency over her body and desires.
The Power of Restorying
Rice's essays about both experiences led to publications in Oldster Magazine, The New York Times, The Times UK, and numerous podcast appearances. This public sharing became the true awakening. "The real awakening came from being seen and heard through my articles and podcasts," she realizes.
As a psychologist, Rice has long worked with the concept of "restorying"—reframing and rewriting the narratives that shape our lives. "Restorying is a process of reframing, rewriting, reclaiming our stories, and choosing the ones we wish to live by," she explains. Through telling and retelling her birthday story, she has reframed her past and future, moving from shrinking to expanding with each conversation.
Contextualizing the Experience
Rice, who is single by choice, describes how dating became increasingly unsatisfying as she aged. By 65, she grew tired of feeling like she was auditioning to replace deceased wives or serve as a "cuddle buddy." Her escort experience emerged from this context of seeking connection without compromising autonomy.
She observes how societal narratives impose expiration dates on female desirability, often post-menopause or earlier. "These stereotypes are so deeply ingrained that we hold on to them as if they are true and inevitable," she notes, citing examples from her clinical practice where mothers give tweens anti-aging creams and women undergo cosmetic surgery in a "desperate race to save themselves from aging."
Embracing Aging with Agency
Rice acknowledges confronting her own age-related biases in her practice, previously avoiding older clients perhaps due to unexamined fears about loneliness and regret. Now, she faces these fears directly. "Yes, there are fewer years in front of me than behind me, but this life is a gift and a privilege," she declares.
She continues seeking adventures that connect her to touch, including sessions with a female tantric healer. "I want to be suspended for a moment in space—vibrating and humming like hundreds of Tibetan bells," she describes.
Universal Lessons in Self-Reclamation
Rice emphasizes that restorying is accessible to anyone at any age. "We don't need to jump out of airplanes or hire escorts," she states. Instead, we can learn to trust our voices, ask for what we want in relationships, try new things, and seek supportive communities.
"It takes courage to name the stories we are still holding on to about being small, not worthy, not lovable," she observes, "but once we do, they lose their power over us." After decades as a psychologist listening to others' stories, Rice realized how quietly she had disappeared from her own narrative. Now, she embraces vulnerability and flawed humanity as gifts of aging.
While excited by her newfound voice, Rice also experiences sadness for missed opportunities and wishes her younger self had known her inherent worth. "I wish I could tell her that she is enough; her body is beautiful, she is lovable, and she doesn't need to keep pleasing others to earn love," she reflects.
Ultimately, Rice's story transcends the specific details of hiring escorts. It's about daring to find her voice, asking for what she wants without people-pleasing, and expanding rather than disappearing with age. "This experience of 'coming out' is turning out to be one of the most exciting trips I have ever been on," she concludes. "I've honestly never felt so alive."
