A Birthday Plan That Changed Everything
When I turned 60 a decade ago, I realized that material gifts were overrated. What I truly valued were shared experiences. As my 70th birthday approached, I felt a strong urge to do something meaningful. I asked myself: What can I do to fill my memory bank? Swim 70 laps? Make 70 charity donations? String a necklace with 70 heirloom beads? More than anything, I wanted to spend cherished time with loved ones. Research shows that people derive more happiness from experiences than possessions. Spending quality time with friends and family fosters satisfaction, and enduring memories become embedded in the brain.
My goal was to avoid the stress of planning a party during the holidays, especially since I was born the day after Christmas. So I devised a plan: I would log 70 experiences during the year with the people I love. Their job was to propose activities; my job was to say yes. On January 4, 2023, I sent an email to my loved ones, explaining my idea and inviting them to suggest anything from a cup of coffee to a trip to a national park, as long as it didn't involve thrill-seeking or shark tanks.
An Overwhelming Response
I pressed send, wondering if people would take me seriously. My daughter was the first to respond: "Best plan ever!" Soon, my inbox swelled with offers: picking raspberries on a farm, homemade pizza, glamping, a theater trip to London, walking a labyrinth, high tea with hats and gloves, a walk along the bay, and a modern dance class. I felt grateful for my wonderful friends and the inspired menu before me. But I also worried: Would I have enough energy for six experiences every month? What about my writing deadlines and teaching schedule? And what about friends who lived far away? I decided that if I didn't complete all 70 experiences in 2023, I could stretch my birthday into 2024 like taffy.
A Year of Adventures
I created a journal to track my ambitious undertaking. Despite distance and busy schedules, I managed a handful of new experiences each month. I hiked, kayaked, picnicked, rode ferries and trains, drank coffee and chai, dined out, listened to live music, visited museums, danced, attended literary events, road-tripped to Los Angeles, and traveled to Europe to stay with friends. In Holland, I ate the biggest artichoke at Café Restaurant Amsterdam, savored pickles at a historic Yiddish store, braved a massive storm on a canal boat, toured museums, and shopped in secondhand stores. In Scotland, driving the North Coast 500 with my husband, I tasted scotch at the Cardhu distillery, sipped teas, became a haggis connoisseur, hiked, and survived food poisoning. Everywhere I went, I found bookstores.
Lessons Learned
My year was filled to the brim. I carved out intentional time to have fun with friends and family. To my surprise, most memorable experiences were close to home, affordable, and taught me something about myself. I embraced being a tourist in my hometown while riding a hop-on hop-off bus through San Francisco with a childhood friend. I discovered that a woman my age can enhance her glow without being garish, thanks to a wardrobe session with a friend. I overcame teenage insecurity during a modern dance class. I reaffirmed that some things are best left in the past while listening to Pink Martini with a former high school rival. I observed that traditions live on even after friends die while floating in healing waters.
Reflections at 70
Having crossed the threshold to 70, I feel full of memories, not cake. My birthday project confirmed that artistic inhibition is a state of mind, rivalry isn't worth it, and the thrill of inner experience matters. Though the eras pass, the voices of the past live on. My year of fun showed me that while I may slow down, my dazzle and friendships haven't dimmed. I won't stop dancing until the floor drops out.
Many people told me they would follow my example. If you want to do the same, the process is simple: count your years, compose an email setting an intention that expands your comfort zone, and send it to your people. Or take a DIY approach: create ethnic meals, learn songs, recite poems, or hike mountains. Use your birthday to browse the continuing education catalog of life.
The Unexpected Impact
None of my past publications prepared me for what happened when my article appeared in HuffPost Personal in February 2024. By the end of the day, I had dozens of comments and emails. By Monday, a Chicago radio producer requested an interview, and the article had nearly a million views. To this day, I continue to receive emails. One reader wrote, "You've inspired me!" Another, who had just turned 49, said, "Thank you for a fantastic idea." A mother in Chennai, India, hoped to use my method to uplift her struggling 16-year-old daughter. I had no idea my birthday plan to say yes would inspire so many people around the world. Life is short; let's keep up the yes.
