In a heartfelt plea to renowned advice columnist Dear Abby, a woman in her mid-30s, who identifies herself as "Wannabe Wife," has revealed a significant relationship impasse. She has been dating a man she describes as incredible for nearly two years, but their visions for the future are not aligned.
The Stalemate Over Marriage and Family
The writer is ready to take the next major steps in her relationship. She wants to get married, move in together, and blend their families. She has three children from a previous relationship, while her boyfriend has one child who is co-parented primarily by his own parents.
Despite expressing a theoretical desire for marriage and family life, the boyfriend consistently says "not yet." When pressed for a reason, he admits he doesn't know why he can't move forward, stating, "I wish I knew why. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it something I want to do now."
A deeper concern for the woman is her partner's primary allegiance to his parents. She feels that if forced to choose, he would prioritize them over her or any of the children involved. This dynamic leaves her in a cycle of uncertainty, constantly wondering if and when he will be ready for commitment.
Abby's Advice: Time for a Decision
In her response published on January 9, 2026, Abby (Jeanne Phillips) offers clear and direct counsel. She notes that after two years, the boyfriend appears content with the status quo. Abby recommends that the woman present him with an option: pursue couples counselling to work through his hesitation.
The columnist emphasizes that if he refuses this path, the woman must face a hard truth. Nothing is likely to change. At that point, she will need to assess the relationship realistically and decide if she can accept it as it is, or if she needs to move on to find a partner whose goals match her own.
A Second Letter: Betrayal in Grief
The same column features a second letter from an overwhelmed reader in Kansas, dealing with a separate but profound relationship breach. This woman has been with her boyfriend for 12 years, and they share two children with a third on the way.
The couple suffered the devastating loss of their beloved two-year-old dog, Astro, three months prior. The pet died from heat exhaustion while they were rushing to the veterinarian. The writer is in grief therapy to process the loss and was adamant about not getting another dog.
Her boyfriend agreed they would wait at least a year. However, he recently arrived home with a new puppy without any warning. To compound the pain, the new dog is the same breed and colour as Astro. The woman feels her trust has been shattered and her grief disrespected, leading her to consider ending the long-term relationship.
Expert Guidance on Healing and Respect
Abby's response is unequivocal. She assures the writer she is being neither unreasonable nor selfish. The columnist condemns the boyfriend's actions as inconsiderate, underhanded, and dismissive of his partner's feelings.
Abby's primary recommendation is that the new dog should be returned to its breeder or rescue organization. She also states the woman deserves a sincere apology. While acknowledging that ending a 12-year relationship with three children is a monumental and potentially impractical step, Abby validates the woman's feelings, noting the boyfriend's profound insensitivity gives her valid reason for second thoughts.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. The column continues to offer straightforward advice on personal and family dilemmas.
