Dear Abby: Single Woman's Troubling Attraction to Stalking Ex-Boyfriend
A 57-year-old unmarried woman has written to advice columnist Dear Abby with a concerning dilemma about her former boyfriend who continues to stalk her, yet she finds herself inexplicably drawn to him despite the dangerous behavior.
The Complicated History
The woman, who identifies herself as "Heart Ruling the Head," explains that she ended a three-year relationship with a man named Bill four months ago after he committed "something very rude." Their relationship began when they met at a resort casino, and initially brought her happiness before taking a troubling turn.
"I tried to break it off, but Bill would run back to me, and I always took him back, mostly because I felt guilty for hurting him," she confesses in her letter published on February 18, 2026.
After the final breakup, a neighbor informed her that Bill had been stalking her, which he denies despite what she describes as having proof of the behavior.
The Psychological Pull
What makes this situation particularly complex is the woman's continued attraction to Bill, despite recognizing the stalking as a sign of mental instability.
"For some reason, I'm still drawn to him," she writes. "He's the only man in my life who ever told me he loves me. I'm afraid no one will ever love me the way he does."
The woman explains that they keep "bumping into each other" in their regular haunts, which reinforces her emotional pull toward him. She acknowledges she cannot afford therapy at this time and seeks Abby's guidance on moving beyond this dangerous attraction.
Abby's Direct Response
Dear Abby responds with characteristic bluntness and practical advice, pointing out the obvious danger in the situation.
"Honey, if you no longer frequent the places you used to frequent together and keep running into him anyway, has it occurred to you that it's happening BECAUSE HE'S STILL STALKING YOU?" Abby writes.
Her advice includes several key recommendations:
- Change daily routines and avoid places where encounters might occur
- Recognize that Bill won't be the last person to express love if she opens herself to healthier relationships
- Seek free or low-cost counseling through county mental health services or local educational institutions with psychology departments
Additional Advice Column Entry
The same column includes another letter from "Uncertain in Idaho," who writes about being contacted online by someone claiming to be a famous professional wrestler with marriage problems who has asked for financial assistance through Apple gift cards.
Abby identifies this as a clear scam, advising: "Your life will not 'go out of control' unless you allow it to. Regain control by ghosting and blocking this person. He's a scammer."
The Broader Context
Dear Abby, written by Jeanne Phillips under the pen name Abigail Van Buren, continues the legacy of her mother Pauline Phillips who founded the iconic advice column. The column addresses a wide range of personal and relationship issues, with this particular exchange highlighting the complex psychological dynamics that can keep people in dangerous relationship patterns.
The woman's situation illustrates several important points about toxic relationships:
- The difficulty of breaking emotional attachments even when logical reasoning indicates danger
- The way isolation and fear of being unloved can cloud judgment
- The importance of accessing mental health resources regardless of financial limitations
This exchange serves as a reminder that professional guidance and community resources can provide crucial support for individuals navigating complicated emotional entanglements and potentially dangerous situations.
