A woman from Florida has reached out to the popular advice column Dear Abby with a perplexing relationship dilemma that has left her feeling hurt and confused. Her boyfriend, referred to as "Guy," has been her partner for several years, yet their travel plans have consistently fallen through due to his complaints about costs, despite his apparent financial capability.
A Surprising Family Invitation
The situation took an unexpected turn when Guy's brother, whom the girlfriend has never met, suggested a family cruise. Shockingly, the brother recommended that Guy bring along his ex-wife, who is in the early stages of dementia, rather than his current girlfriend. The couple has been divorced for decades, making this suggestion even more baffling to the woman.
In her letter, she expresses deep hurt at being excluded from what would be their first trip together. She clarifies that while she would understand if neither she nor the ex-wife were invited, she finds it unacceptable that Guy is choosing his former spouse over her. Adding to her frustration, she is currently dog-sitting for Guy for the second time in a month while he is out of state attending to his ex-wife's legal matters, including her will.
Abby's Practical Advice
Dear Abby responded with characteristic insight, noting that something seems "out of focus" in this family dynamic. She questions whether Guy's brother is even aware of the girlfriend's existence after several years of companionship. Abby suggests a more practical solution: if cost is the issue, Guy could bring his girlfriend on the cruise and split the expense of including his ex-wife with his brother.
This advice highlights the importance of clear communication and consideration in blended family situations, especially when health concerns like dementia are involved. The column underscores how financial excuses can mask deeper relationship issues that need addressing.
A Second Heartbreaking Query
The same column features another poignant letter from a woman in Vermont who is separated from her husband, "Dan." He has recently been diagnosed with a serious, likely life-threatening medical condition but refuses to share details with her, despite their shared responsibility for two adult children.
Their children, aged 20 and 22, are not on speaking terms, and one lives at home with multiple mental health diagnoses including autism, ADHD, PTSD, and major depressive disorder. This child has been hospitalized multiple times over the past five years and has no support network beyond the parents.
The Need for Co-Parenting Transparency
The mother argues that she needs to be informed about Dan's health to properly support their vulnerable children through this difficult time. Abby agrees that she is not wrong to ask for this information, given the circumstances, but acknowledges that if Dan refuses, she may have to manage with limited details.
This response emphasizes the ongoing responsibilities of co-parenting, even after separation, particularly when children face significant challenges. It speaks to the broader theme of how families navigate complex health and relationship issues with grace and practicality.
Dear Abby, written by Jeanne Phillips who continues the legacy of her mother Pauline Phillips, remains a trusted source for navigating life's complicated interpersonal situations. These letters illustrate how modern relationships often require balancing past commitments with present realities, all while maintaining compassion for those in vulnerable positions.
