In an era where a date is just a swipe away and conversation happens in text bubbles, a surprising counter-trend is taking hold among Canadian singles. Tired of digital immediacy, many are deliberately slowing down, seeking a deeper connection through the romantic playbook of previous generations. This movement, dubbed 'retromancing,' is a full-throated embrace of old-school courtship.
The term was popularized by the dating platform Plenty of Fish, whose research indicates a significant appetite for nostalgia-driven romance. Over a third (34%) of Gen Z singles are actively pursuing this tender throwback, often inspired by the love stories of their parents and grandparents.
What Exactly Is Retromancing?
Retromancing is a conscious return to dating rituals that predate the smartphone era—essentially anything from the 1990s or earlier. It swaps flashy, expensive outings for heartfelt, personal effort. Think homemade meals instead of restaurant reservations, actual phone calls over endless texting, and handwritten notes in place of extravagant purchased gifts.
According to Michael Kaye, a dating expert at Plenty of Fish, this trend is about intentionality. "Retromancing is a throwback to old-school romance," Kaye explains. "It's about nostalgic, intentional gestures... which are foundational for long-term relationships." The platform's data supports this, finding that 38% of respondents are cooking at home for a perfect date, while 34% are choosing to call their love interest rather than text.
Building Bonds or Just Being Cheap?
As with any trend, skepticism exists. Is retromancing a genuine path to emotional intimacy, or merely a convenient label for low-effort behavior? Experts argue it's decisively the former, when done correctly.
Kaye emphasizes that these gestures slow things down in a culture that rushes connection, creating a deeper sense of being valued. Jaime Bronstein, a relationship expert at Dating.com, agrees. "Retromancing generally strengthens couples by fostering emotional closeness and reinforcing the feeling of being truly seen and heard," she says. It encourages appreciation and helps keep the relationship emotionally meaningful through shared memories.
The key differentiator between retromancing and simple laziness is intention, effort, and personalization. A curated playlist of a partner's favorite songs is retromancing; a generic bouquet bought at a gas station is not. Consistency also matters—showing up regularly with thoughtful gestures, not just when it's convenient.
How to Spot Authentic Retromancing
So, how can you tell if your date is a nostalgic romantic or a non-committal minimalist? Bronstein offers a clear litmus test: "Is this coming from genuine thoughtfulness, or from convenience?"
Signs of genuine retromancing include:
- Planning a picnic because you mentioned loving the outdoors.
- Writing a note recalling an inside joke from your first meeting.
- Calling to hear your voice after a long day.
Signs of low effort or poor commitment include:
- Consistently poor communication (ignoring texts, refusing calls).
- Generic, impersonal gestures with no connection to your interests.
- Using romantic actions only to apologize for bad behavior.
Ultimately, retromancing isn't about rejecting modernity or spending no money. It's about recalibrating the outsized role of instant gratification and finance in modern dating. It asks couples to invest time, attention, and creativity—currencies that often hold far more value in building a lasting connection than a quickly tapped-out dinner reservation. In a world of digital noise, the quiet, deliberate act of a phone call or a handwritten letter can be the most modern—and romantic—gesture of all.
