Monkey Branching: The Narcissist's Destabilizing Relationship Pattern Explained
From love bombing to gaslighting, dating a narcissist typically follows a predictable trajectory of manipulation and emotional pain. Among the most destabilizing behaviors in this pattern is "monkey branching," a strategic maneuver where individuals line up new relationships before fully ending current ones.
What Is Monkey Branching?
"Monkey branching refers to lining up a new relationship before fully leaving the current one," explained Tina Swithin, author of "Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom's Battle." "This behavior reflects a consistent and recognizable pattern. The narcissist moves from one relationship to another, similar to how a monkey swings from one branch to the next."
Also known as monkey barring, this approach allows someone to actively secure a new romantic attachment while maintaining their present relationship. "While it isn't a formal clinical diagnosis, this behavior is a hallmark of narcissistic relationship patterns," said Marie-Line Germain, author of "Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders" and a professor at Western Carolina University.
The Mechanics of Emotional Transition
Germain noted that monkey branching can involve flirting, sexting, and cultivating secret emotional bonds while deceptively dismissing these connections as "just friends" if questioned. "Once the new connection feels secure, the narcissist typically devalues their current partner, treating them with increasing coldness before initiating an abrupt breakup and immediate transition into the new partnership," she said.
To justify this rapid replacement, narcissistic partners often rewrite relationship history, making statements like "I was never happy with you anyway." This revisionism serves to minimize their accountability while maximizing their perceived justification for moving on.
Psychological Drivers Behind the Behavior
"Narcissists need constant excitement," said Virginia Gilbert, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in high-conflict divorce and attachment trauma. "Once the luster wears off of a long-term partner, the narcissist starts to feel restless and empty inside. Because they can't tolerate negative feelings or the reality of a stable relationship that healthy people find comforting, they begin looking for new sources of supply to regulate their self-esteem and mood states."
Narcissists fuel their fragile sense of self with "narcissistic supply"—constant validation, support, and power. "Relationships tend to revolve around attention, admiration, and control rather than emotional connection," Swithin emphasized. "Being alone can feel destabilizing, which makes the early stage of a new relationship especially intoxicating."
Beyond Simple Relationship Hopping
While monkey branching isn't exclusive to narcissists, it represents common behavior among those with narcissistic personality disorder. "Narcissists also tend to be novelty-seeking," explained Lauren Maher, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety, trauma, and narcissistic abuse recovery. "Put all of that together, and you will often see an individual who is unlikely to sever one relationship until they've got another one lined up to replace it."
Germain emphasized that malignant narcissists view relationships primarily as strategic resources rather than emotional bonds. "Because they lack genuine attachment, they feel no internal obligation toward loyalty, yet they paradoxically demand absolute fidelity from their partners," she said. "They are driven by a constant search for a 'better deal,' whether in the form of increased power, wealth, or social status. They often abandon current partners without remorse the moment a more advantageous opportunity for exploitation arises."
The Neurochemical Component
Gilbert pointed to the brain chemistry behind this behavior. "They will often end one relationship and start a new one amid drama and chaos—an affair, a series of sexual acting-out behaviors that come to light explosively, or moving on with 'the perfect soulmate' without remorse—because all of this drama floods their brains with feel-good dopamine neurotransmitters so they feel special, important, and larger than life," she explained.
This behavior allows narcissists to maintain an illusion of power and desirability while avoiding vulnerability. "I believe monkey branching is common in narcissists because it prevents them from facing their own vulnerable feelings and preserves a false sense of self that generates more feelings of entitlement and admiration," said Hannah Alderete, a licensed mental health counselor and author of "Break Free From Narcissistic Mothers."
Avoiding Vulnerability and Accountability
Dodging vulnerability and discomfort represents another crucial aspect of this relationship pattern. "By monkey branching, the narcissist avoids any process of separation and loss and ensures they never have to experience separation or abandonment," said Margaret Ward-Martin, a psychotherapist who founded The Grace Project to work with survivors of narcissistic abuse.
She noted that abandonment represents a narcissist's greatest fear alongside exposure, which explains why they might choose to abandon their partner first to avoid potential pain. "Monkey branching is a prevalent tactic among extreme narcissists because it ensures they maintain total control over the relationship's timeline," Germain added. "By securing a replacement and initiating rejection first, they effectively insulate themselves from being left behind. This preemptive exit allows the narcissist to avoid perceived humiliation while asserting dominance."
The Transactional Nature of Narcissistic Relationships
Chelsey Brook Cole, a psychotherapist specializing in narcissistic abuse, emphasized that narcissists take a transactional view of relationships and don't seek true intimacy. "Ultimately, the new person is not a soulmate, but a tool," she explained. "By swinging to a new relationship, the narcissist successfully escapes emotional accountability and responsibility for damage caused in the current one. The new branch provides a fresh start with someone who hasn't yet seen behind the mask, allowing the narcissist to avoid consequences of their behavior."
They're not necessarily moving toward something better but rather choosing the dopamine boost of continuous attention rather than seeking actual growth.
Differentiating Narcissistic from Non-Narcissistic Behavior
"I think it's important to note that monkey branching isn't specific to extreme narcissists," Germain said. "It's often used by people who can't handle loneliness, may have low self-esteem, or have an anxious attachment style."
For narcissists, however, monkey branching represents a pattern to avoid accountability. "While people who aren't narcissists also might wait to leave an unhappy relationship until meeting someone else, they would likely feel remorse and guilt for their behavior and collateral damage to others," Gilbert noted. "But the narcissist is only concerned with what benefits them and will just blame their former partner for driving them away."
When Partners Initiate Departure
The monkey branching narrative doesn't represent the only way relationships with narcissists end. "More often than not, it's partners of narcissists who will start the departure from the relationship," said therapist and "Disarming The Narcissist" author Wendy Behary. "And when they do, that's a horse of a different color because that can set up the whole plot for vengeance, a common narcissistic response after this huge narcissistic injury."
The Devastating Impact on Discarded Partners
For partners unceremoniously cast aside through monkey branching, the fallout can be intense, marked by deep feelings of deception and rejection. "This experience is rarely just a breakup," Germain said. "It is a betrayal that leaves them feeling discarded. The narcissistic person typically demonstrates profound lack of empathy for the partner being left behind. This leaves the abandoned individual feeling less like a former partner and more like a disposable placeholder, forced to grapple with sudden sense of being discarded once their perceived utility has expired."
The narcissist might escalate beyond pure abandonment, particularly in higher-stakes relationships like marriage. "They may have lied to this 'original' partner, having gaslighted them and even emotionally, financially, and psychologically abused them," Ward-Martin explained. "This partner may become so ill that it serves as groundwork ensuring that family, colleagues, and friends believe the discarded partner is the problem because they are mentally ill or unstable. If the 'old' partner discovers this new supply and initiates an end, then the narcissist can become mortified and very destructive indeed."
Understanding This Isn't About Your Worth
Experts stress that monkey branching and other harmful breakup behaviors from narcissists don't reflect their partner's value or result from personal failure. "It is vital to understand that this behavior has absolutely nothing to do with your worth," Cole emphasized. "There is no level of love, attention, or perfection you could have provided that would have kept them from straying, because narcissists feel entitled to everything. They believe they have the right to keep you as a safety net while exploring new options, and they feel entitled to pursue someone else while maintaining contact with you."
She added that their monkey branching doesn't represent a search for "true love" but rather "a manifestation of pathological selfishness and a desperate need to maintain power." If anything, it reflects the narcissist's failure to tolerate rejection or loss of control.
Recognition and Protection Strategies
"For the person on the receiving end, this behavior can be deeply destabilizing, often leading to confusion, self-blame, and trauma-bonding," Swithin noted. "Recognizing the pattern helps people depersonalize the harm and regain clarity."
While you cannot control someone else's behavior, you can take steps to better protect your well-being. "While the behavior cannot be prevented, individuals can reduce their vulnerability by recognizing early warning signs, such as sudden, secretive communication with former partners or new 'friends,'" Germain advised. "By identifying these red flags, partners can shift their focus from trying to save the relationship to implementing necessary emotional and practical protections for themselves."
