Final Moments with Mom
Sarah Gormley’s mother, Susan, died two days after her college friends climbed into bed with her. The moment was marked by a single word: “Lucky.” Gormley recounts this intimate scene in her debut memoir, “The Order of Things,” which details her return to the family farm in Ohio to care for her dying mother.
In February 2016, Gormley’s friends Nancy, Brooks, and Tippett visited the farm. Susan, who had stopped cancer treatment the month before, summoned them: “Girls, get in here so I can get my hands on you.” Despite an oxygen tube she constantly fidgeted with, Susan managed her signature humor. The four women, who met at DePauw University, climbed into bed beside her without hesitation.
A Word That Changed Everything
As Susan’s eyes fluttered, she touched Gormley’s nose with her index finger, then her own, and whispered “Lucky.” Gormley repeated the word, feeling it was a contract between them. “The knowledge of what was happening could have filled this moment with profound sadness,” Gormley writes, “but the word felt like an exhale.”
After Susan said she needed to shut her eyes, the women left without saying goodbye, like tiptoeing out of a baby’s room. In the kitchen, Nancy broke the silence: “Geezus, Gorms, you could have warned us. That was rough... good grief.” Susan died two days later, on Monday.
The Club Nobody Wants to Belong To
Six years later, Gormley reflects on the compounding relationship between grief and gratitude. She was the first in her friend group to lose both parents, becoming an “adult orphan.” Now, four of them belong to “The Club Nobody Wants to Belong To.” As de facto president, Gormley purchased a navy members-only jacket, which they passed to Nancy when her mother died in February 2022.
“We keep showing up for each other, the way we always have since college,” Gormley writes. A photo from Nancy’s mother’s funeral shows the women with their arms around each other, smiling. “When I look at that picture, my heart somehow expands further than it did that morning years ago, when my friends climbed into bed with Mom.”
Mother-Daughter Love Multiplied
Gormley describes her mother’s relationship with her friends as “simple” and “pure.” “I loved seeing her love them,” she writes. Susan knew the girls through Gormley’s daily phone calls, learning about their jobs, bad haircuts, and even digestive issues. At Nancy’s wedding, Susan danced exuberantly to “Shout,” and the friends joined in, flailing their arms in flattery.
The morning in bed, Gormley saw the handoff: “Being able to assign me to them made it easier for her to get closer to death.” Stripping the sheets later, she closed her eyes and could still feel the warmth from the imprints of their bodies.
A Memoir of Return
Gormley’s memoir, “The Order of Things,” explores how returning to the family farm to care for her mother changed her life. She now owns the Sarah Gormley Gallery in Columbus, Ohio, believing original art can bring joy. This piece originally appeared on HuffPost as part of its Personal “Best Of” series.
