Trail Cam Exposes Secret Rendezvous
A Wisconsin woman writes to Dear Abby after her husband of 35 years was caught red-handed by a trail camera installed by their adult children. The incident occurred the week of their 34th anniversary, when the husband invited a female friend to their vacation home for an overnight rendezvous. The wife, who signs her letter as 'Destroyed in Wisconsin,' says she was shocked but not surprised, believing the pair had been having an emotional affair for years.
Despite her warnings that the relationship could cost him his career, the husband continued. After the affair was exposed, the wife asked him to attend marriage counseling and apologize to their children—he did neither. She attended counseling alone for six months. The couple still lives under the same roof, but the wife now sees her husband as a liar, cheater, and betrayer, and he has blamed her for his infidelity.
Financial and Emotional Toll
Destroyed explains that she has much invested in the marriage and is retired, making the prospect of starting over daunting. 'I am not sure I can be married to him any longer,' she writes. 'Cheaters think they are only cheating on their spouse. Actually, they cheat on the whole family.' She adds that she has suffered mental anguish for too long and is desperately unhappy.
Dear Abby’s response advises Destroyed to return to therapy or find a new therapist to help determine how she wants to live the rest of her life. 'From what you have written, you now live with a nasty man you no longer trust or respect who blames you for his cheating,' Abby writes.
Legal Steps Recommended
Abby also recommends consulting several attorneys specializing in family law to understand her rights as a wife of 35 years in Wisconsin, which she notes is a community property state. 'Once you know where you stand financially, starting over again may not seem so frightening,' Abby adds. In a postscript, Abby notes that while she would normally advise an STI check for the cheated-upon spouse, the frosty relationship may make it unnecessary.
Second Letter: Sports Overload
In a separate letter, a husband identified as 'Gamed Out in Arizona' complains that his wife of 34 years watches more sports than he does, including teams he doesn't care about. He works over 50 hours a week and desires peace and quiet. Abby suggests buying a second television set for another room so both can enjoy their preferences.
