Dear Abby: Husband Feels Forgotten Despite Efforts in Marriage
In a heartfelt letter to advice columnist Dear Abby, a husband, married for over two decades, expresses deep distress over his wife's physical withdrawal, despite months of couples counseling and personal improvements. The couple, who have weathered emotional affairs on both sides, nearly divorced last year but have since engaged in therapy for eight months.
Struggles with Intimacy and Rejection
The husband describes his wife as his best friend and the love of his life, noting they do everything together. He has made significant changes, including stopping daily drinking, adopting a positive mindset, getting into physical shape, earning a good income, helping with household chores, and supporting their children's activities. However, he feels alone in his own home due to a lack of physical intimacy, with affection limited to hugs and kisses and intimacy occurring less than once a month.
He writes, "I thrive on touch and affection but receive none," adding that the counselor suggests things "may" improve "in time." In the meantime, he asks how to cope with feeling undesired and rejected daily.
Expert Response: Time for Personal Therapy
Dear Abby responds with sympathy, suggesting that the couple might be better as friends than spouses. Given that joint counseling has not yielded changes after eight months, she advises the husband to seek a psychotherapist of his own to address his feelings of isolation and rejection.
Dear Abby: Mother-in-Law's Frustration with Messy Daughter-in-Law
In a separate letter, a mother-in-law living with her son and daughter-in-law, "Darlene," voices frustration over Darlene's constant messiness. The mother-in-law pays rent and helps with bills but finds the kitchen unusable due to piled-up dishes and unwashed pots and pans.
Household Dynamics and Conflict
Darlene, who does not work, creates daily disasters, leaving the cleaning to her husband and mother-in-law, both of whom work full-time. The son handles all laundry, cleaning, and cooking, while Darlene makes excuses such as being tired or having illnesses. She also stays up late, forcing her husband to wake their grandson for school.
The mother-in-law fears speaking up, as Darlene gets defensive and her son defends her, leading to potential family tension. She writes, "I'm at my wits' end, but I don't want to create an environment where Darlene will ignore me and turn my son against me."
Expert Response: Consider Alternative Living Arrangements
Dear Abby advises that the unhealthy dynamic is unlikely to change unless both the son and Darlene agree to it. She recommends the mother-in-law, who is fully employed, to make other living arrangements for a healthier situation, emphasizing that she cannot alter the household's patterns alone.
These letters highlight common family and marital challenges, with Dear Abby offering practical solutions focused on personal well-being and boundary-setting. The column, founded by Pauline Phillips and written by Jeanne Phillips, continues to provide guidance on relationship issues.
