In a heartfelt letter to the popular advice column, a senior woman has revealed the profound loneliness and emotional turmoil she faces within a marriage that has become completely devoid of physical intimacy for the past four years.
A Cry for Help from Costa Rica
The letter, signed "Untouched in Costa Rica," was published by advice columnist Jeanne Phillips, who writes under the pen name Abigail Van Buren, on January 16, 2026. The writer describes herself as a senior in great physical shape who has always been active and never struggled to attract male attention.
She explains that she married a man she had known for many years, five years ago. Initially, they shared a "pretty active sex life," but that connection vanished abruptly. For the last four years, her husband has not touched her intimately. When questioned, his only explanation is a "lack of confidence," and he claims not to understand the root cause himself.
"I'm afraid that if I don't leave, I'll never know the loving arms of a man around me again," she confesses, adding that the prolonged emotional neglect has led her to lose attraction to him. She fears she would now reject any advance due to the accumulated hurt.
The Dilemma: Loneliness vs. Financial Security
The woman is trapped in a difficult predicament. On one hand, she feels herself "sinking into a morass with each long, lonely day." On the other, she acknowledges that leaving would be a "financial disaster." Compounding her isolation is the fact that their friends and family perceive them as a perfect couple, unaware of the truth behind closed doors.
She is ultimately seeking guidance on whether to end the marriage to seek companionship or find a way to salvage the relationship.
Abby's Careful Counsel
In her response, Abby provides measured and thoughtful advice, prioritizing the writer's mental health. She strongly urges the woman to discuss her feelings with a doctor and seek a referral to a licensed psychotherapist before making any irreversible decisions about her marriage.
The columnist emphasizes that the cause of the husband's withdrawal remains a mystery to all parties, including possibly the husband himself. She poses several crucial questions for the writer to consider:
- Is the husband fully aware of the depth of her despair and her serious contemplation of divorce?
- If he were made aware, would he be willing to explore solutions and work to heal the relationship?
- Most importantly, if he were willing to try, would she herself be open to attempting reconciliation?
"I know I am giving you more questions than answers, but they are worth considering," Abby concludes, steering the correspondent toward professional help and open communication as the first steps.
Second Query: Managing Unruly Meeting Breaks
The column also features a second letter from "Running the Show in Massachusetts," a university compliance officer frustrated by staff who disappear during mandatory training session breaks and fail to return on time.
The officer outlines two frustrating options: waiting for the stragglers and making everyone late, or starting without them and then having to deny certification until a make-up session. Abby's advice is firm: stop being a pushover. She recommends clearly stating at the start of each meeting that full attendance is required for certification and then following through consistently, refusing to accommodate those who disrespect the rules and the time of others who stay.
The Dear Abby column, founded by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, continues to address the complex personal and professional dilemmas faced by readers across North America and beyond.
