Earlier this year, Katie Miller, wife of White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller, revived an old joke about her husband on Fox News, describing him as a "sexual matador" who "gets her going" with morning speeches about defeating the left. This rare glimpse into their dynamic followed Stephen Miller's own dating advice segment on "Jesse Watters Primetime" in 2024, where he first earned the cringe "matador" label.
In that segment, Miller advised single men: "If you are a young man — it’s very important in election season — who’s looking to impress the ladies, to be the alpha, to be attractive ... The best thing you can do is wear your Trump support on your sleeve. Show that you are a real man. Show that you are not a beta. Be a proud and loud Trump supporter and your dating life will be fantastic."
Surveys Contradict Miller's Advice
However, surveys contradict Miller's claims. A 2024 American Enterprise Institute survey found that nearly three-quarters of college-educated women and 52% of single women overall said they would be less likely to date a Trump supporter. Another 2024 survey from dating app Coffee Meets Bagel revealed that 4 out of 5 women would not date someone who supports Trump. Some dating app users even hide their political views to avoid being rejected over Trump.
The "alpha" part of Miller's advice also draws skepticism. The concept of the "alpha male" is pervasive in manosphere culture, promoting a reductive masculinity that emphasizes dominance, lack of vulnerability, financial success, and distrust of women. Dating experts interviewed by HuffPost argue these traits are counterproductive for healthy relationships.
Expert Critiques of 'Alpha Male' Ideals
Lorain Moorehead, owner and licensed psychotherapist at Lorain Moorehead Therapy and Consultation, told HuffPost: "I think the 'alpha male' advice overly simplifies a more complex problem and thus, causes more difficulty than it solves. It can often have manipulative or domineering undertones."
Sophie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, added: "These ideas rarely go hand-in-hand with being an emotionally intelligent, kind and respectful partner, both to yourself and the person you're dating. If you think you always need to be emotionally disconnected and dominant, you’ll never be able to create a happy long-term relationship in which you both feel good."
Caroline Millet, a former matchmaker and coach at The 6 Steps Path, noted: "These influencers are grasping for a set of rules to apply in a world they were not raised to understand. They want an easy, clear, one-size-fits-all answer to getting what they want without fundamentally changing their understanding of how culture has evolved." Millet also emphasized that manosphere content often targets vulnerable young men: "They want someone to tell them what to do. Manosphere influencers offer up an intoxicating blend of easy answers, pseudo-science, pop psychology and misogyny that hits vulnerable audiences in the sweet spot."
Alternative Advice for Attractiveness
Instead of pursuing "alpha" traits, experts recommend cultivating emotional intelligence, authenticity, and mutual respect. Millet advised: "A confident, competent, self-assured person doesn’t need these rule sets. They have their set of values, their integrity, and their awareness of the world set and flexible enough to adapt with changing circumstances, so they simply are." She encouraged men to ask women directly what they want: "Go ask the strong, confident women in your life what they look for in a man, how they want to be treated, what do they consider a good dating flow and trust them."
Moorehead suggested focusing on self-investment: "Individuals can invest in themselves, their interests, hobbies and work. They can be excited to date and meet people and they can decide if they enjoy the company of the woman just as she can decide if she enjoys his company."
